adoration.

I can't sleep.

So many decisions and so much opposition.

It's easy for me to see the people around me and focus on how different I am from them.  But I really am not so different. I've simply been forgiven for the sin that eats away at everyone's lives.  I face the same fears, follow the same trends, and eat the same lies.  I am a sinner.

Gracefully saved by the beautiful love of a Being that the world can't understand.  Why is it so hard to remember that in everyday life?

I focus so much on all the things that a "good Christian" does in my ministering.  But I wonder what would happen if I could sincerely portray my simple adoration for Christ in my conversations.  What if I talked about Him like I talk about my boyfriend? My best friend? Chocolate?  With that big-eyed, hands-flaring, ear-to-ear grin on my face?  What holds me back from expressing the passion I feel towards Jesus and His promises to others?

Fear I guess.

I was reading in Galatians and caught a verse that said, "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?  Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." (1:10)

I've been trying to discern the difference between "pleasing men" and "becoming all things to all men." (1 cor. 9:22)

Pleasing men, so as to win their approval, not God's, and becoming all things to them, (basically fitting in) so as to save some.  There's the difference I guess. But it's a tight rope we walk between who our Master is going to be.  It's hard on the life field to get "in" with the crowd and then pull the rug out from under it with some expression of righteousness.  It's hard because you suddenly sound arrogant.

I'm learning what works best, in all areas of life, is to gaze upon the face of God.  When I realize that God gave me the breathe to accomplish whatever act of righteousness I'm living out, my focus turns starkly from myself to my Creator. In my conversations, that can be as easy as following up a statement with a "because of God's grace" or "Lord willing."  Simply giving that homage to God instead of to my own efforts credits God as first in my mind.

Pray that I can be as in love with Jesus in the real world as I am when I'm home in my Bible, study books, and blog.

<3 Goodnight.

check your eyes.

"Every major spiritual decline in the history of Christianity has come when the church has lost sight of the primacy of faith and begun to stress works instead." -John MacArthur-


In other words, stopping focusing on what you can do for God and keep your eyes on what He has done for you.

[talkin' life over]...

The world is broken and I can't fix it.

But what I'm realizing is that it was never one of God's commands to be the ones to do that.

No matter how much I hope, pray, and crave life and redemption for one of the broken, it's ultimately God who reaches them.

I find it frustrating that I could be a blameless sinner who was perfect in every way, yet no matter how hard I tried, I'd never physically, emotionally, and spiritually change another person.  But doesn't that sound familiar? I can't imagine how He felt when His sandals trudged on earth's dirt paths. I can't fathom the incandescent love that He has for us, that He would hold open hands to us with this incredible sacrifice and promise of life, yet give us the choice to reject it completely.  
What an unextinguished love that He's given us the chance to embrace!  I mean, if you really sit and peruse over God's grace, it's unfathomable. Imagine pouring out your heart to someone that you love and then having them silently ignore or openly reject you.  I wonder how God rests when there are so many lost. So many that He continues to woe and call, but so many that will never hear His voice. And so many that think they're the good soil, but are choked out by the thorns of worry.

Do you think God pursues the people that He knows won't choose Him?

I believe God does. God is awesome beyond comprehension, yes?

We are in His image. We must do the same.  Love knowing that a lot of the people we love may never see the Light.  Love knowing that they will curse and blame God the rest of their lives regardless of what we say.  Love knowing they will live eternally apart from God's grace and acceptance no matter how hard we pray for them.

So, loving others isn't really about the other people.  God's hand is already upon them, tugging at them. I'm just a tool. Everyone has their own connection with God, be it passionate, cordial, strained, or non-existent. Loving people changes me, just like prayer.  God doesn't need me to be anyone's guardian angel.  He's bigger than that.  He wants me to love others because it the most incredible way for me, and the people in my sphere of influence, to get closer to Him.  It's the process of sanctification.  God is moving and working through each of us, through each other.

But in the end, it's just me and God; you and God.

world.

Why is it that everyone on this planet, at one (or two, or three, or four...)  times follows the status quo?

Why do we mimic the world in small ways, yet rebuke and judge each other for mimicking the world in "big" ways?

Why is it that we so easily accept what we've been given and never challenge ourselves to seek truth?

Why do we treat our bodies and spirits like trash and than feel so frustrated when we aren't respected?

Why is there no hope in our culture?

Why are we so selfish?

I'm so frustrated by all these questions. I read God's word and it's so contrasted by what I see in my everyday life. From myself and the people around me. I see fear, I see anger, I see me, me, me, mine, mine, mine. I see instant gratification seemingly effortlessly thrown in my face.  I see disrespect and hatred for one another. I see dissension. I see lust. I see insecurity. I see "just do it," "do what tastes right," "obey your thirst" and "have it your way."

I see the world.

It's kinda gross to me at the moment. It makes my stomach twist and my chest tighten up.  It must've been the most glorious masterpiece before the fall.  But sin slithered it's way in and disgraced everything that the Lord had made.  And now we're left with a desolate land filled with all kinds of evils.  Some of which have been consider ugly and hidden until just recently. Now it seems that we flaunt it for the world to see.

Look at my car, my body, my new music, my third husband, my child that wasn't meant to be yet anyway.  Do you know how God sees all those things?  God says, look at how Man desires stuff more than Me.  Look at how they desecrate my holy temple.  Look at how they use the talents I've given them to put blasphemy and immorality to a good tune. Look at their sexual immorality strewn all over the billboards and tabloids.  Look at those beautiful babies that no one wanted to watch over because it was "inconvenient."

It's disgusting quite frankly.

Jesus came and tried to show us with all His might that our way doesn't work.  He tried so hard to drive this point home to us that He

died. 

Not only that, but He suffered in death.

He took the form of a man and died to save our trashed lives.
And what do we do to show Him our gratitude?
We covet, we steal, we worry, we lie, we engage in every kind of evil.
And not only that, but those of us who recognize all this evil afoot, don't do squat about it.
Because why?

we. are. afraid.

Why are we afraid?
Because doing something about it would put us on the map. On display. Laid bare.
It would require rising above the status quo and being confident in it.
It would take courage and effort. :O *gasp*
It would take sacrifice. A church word. It means to give of yourself.

Noooo... because that would be difficult. And life can't be difficult. Right? How can you "have it your way" when life is difficult?

It's time to step it up.  It's time to make them wonder what you've got.  It's time to be bold and brave and joyful and beautiful when everything sucks.  It's time to listen. It's time to rejoice. It's time to build up and tear down. It's time to fight.

Pray. Read. Love. Raise the bar.

Because that's what Jesus did.

"You are from below; I am from above. You are of this world; I am not of this world. I told you that you would die in your sins; if you do not believe that I am the one I claim to be." John 8:23,24


"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who love his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me; and anyone who does not take up his cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me." Matthew 10:37, 38

fabric.

 

We are to be like God. Be holy and perfect, as He is holy and perfect.

When I read scriptures that tell me this, I often lose touch with the words because I know deep down that it's impossible for me to be perfect and completely set apart all on my own.

If I asked you right now,

What do you think God is like?

What would be your answer?

Maybe you'd say

 

"Powerful" or

"Almighty" or

"Faithful" or

even "loving."

 

What do we know about God's heart? I mean His core. What do we really know about the fabric that makes up the God of the universe?

Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. Do you ever wonder what is in God's heart?

 

He says His burden is light and His yoke is easy.

He says that He is humble in heart.

And He says that we will find rest with Him.

 

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." Isaiah forty, eleven

 

God's heart is gentle, humble, perfectly holy, and desires to gather you in His arms and carry you close. Throughout the entire Bible, God is threaded through people and situations. And God's word, taken in totality, is a huge blanket of love for us!

God wants [insert your name here]

Say it out loud.

Say it again.

Let it sink in…

God wants a wretched, complaining, worried, sinful, selfish mortal like me?

 

Oh how He wants us.

He created us because He wanted us.

He created us to want Him back.

 

And we're supposed to be like Him.

He wants us to love all of other wretched, complaining, worried, sinful, selfish mortals of the earth.

And to be like Him, we have to do what He does.

 

His heart will long for us for eternity. The Psalmist writes, "But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations." Psalm thirty three, eleven

There's so much to God, but when you intimately know His core, you have a little more insight and understanding of why He does things the way He does.

Although, His "thoughts are not your thoughts, nor [His] ways your ways." Isaiah fifty five, eight

We can still begin to understand His core desire. "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings." Proverbs twenty five, two

But God wants all of us, not just a piece of our hearts. "'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I (Jesus) will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock." Matthew seven, twenty two through twenty four

 

How awful would it be to see God's face tomorrow and hear those words come from His mouth! "Away from me, you evildoer, I never knew you!"

Instead, we strive to know Him. And what a rewarding and beautiful adventure it is to pursue the heart of God! There's so much to learn. No matter how deep I dig, I've never found the bottom of God's love for me. "If you love me, you will obey what I command." John fourteen fifteen I believe this verse is a palindrome, "If you obey what I command, you will love me." It's the mixture of obedience and love that pushes your relationship forward. Not one before the other.

Nothing on earth can compare to the vast expanses of God's humility and desire for His children, "as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings."

And in a desperate, lovesick reply, "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God." Psalm forty two, one

remain.

Sometimes I have a Jesus high.

Those times when He becomes so real to me that I can almost see His face.  

Those times when I walk around the house praying and it feels like He's beside me listening and talking with me.

Times at camp or at some other breath-taking place where I can taste Him in the sweetest,

most personal ways. 

Most people refer to these as "mountaintop experiences." But what bothers me about that is it implies that you'll soon be taking the bus back to the "real" world and the valley of sin, guilt, and regret. 

I remember my youth pastor one year at camp tried so hard to get us to see that just because we were leaving the mountains, didn't mean our closeness with God had to end. 

I've figured out why a few days after camp or driving home from a bible study we forget everything we just learned and go on with old habits.

Because it's work.

Yeah, that's right. W. O. R. K. Jesus is work. He made it that way. He wanted us to make an effort to come before Him. If He was easy, how valuable would you feel as His child? His lover? His friend? But the truth is, most of us are lazy. We expect God to pour out on us the blessings of a lifetime because we go to church and read His word daily.  Ever feel like you're just missing it? He wants YOU!

It takes an

every-moment, full-throttle, selfless-giving, untamed-loving, surrendered-heart, and soul-on-fire

to be called His.

Even though the Bible states very clearly that our best efforts are like filthy rags (the original wording meant literally 'menstrual cloths.') compared to God's greatness, it still takes effort on our part to get to know who Jesus really is.

When we're on the mountain, God's easily accessible and we can breathe Him in like air.

But, after all the glitter fades, we must fight to remain in Him.

We must...

...abide, meaning to stay or live with...

   ...tarry, meaning to linger, dwadle, or loiter...

          ...or literally to continue to be present and wait upon...

The only way to be completely present with someone is to continually be in conversation with them.  By the way, when was the last time you lingered with God? Or loitered in His goodness? Lingered by His majesty? Waited patiently for His faithfulness? Do you really feel God's presence when you thank Him for meals three times a day?

Even Jesus, as He began His earthly ministry had a moment where God "[came] down from heaven as a dove and remain[ed] on Him." John one, thirty two. 
This never took away the pain or frustration of Jesus' ministry, but after that moment, He never left His Father's side and He continually abided in His Father's presence, often going to a solitary place to spend time with Him.

My point isn't that my relationship with God should always feel like a "mountaintop."
Because it doesn't. All relationships ebb and flow even with the best of efforts.

I'm simply saying that if we're not engaging in a love relationship with Jesus at every moment of every day, we're not doing the most important job that He's entrusted us with.
_____________________________________________________________


"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love." I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John fifteen, seven through thirteen

"In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs three, six


"The anointing you received from Him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as His anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit--just as it has taught you, remain in Him.  And now, dear children, continue in Him, so that when He appears we may be confident and unashamed before Him at His coming." First John two, twenty seven and twenty eight

knowing God. for real this time.

Well, I'd say I've come full circle. One of my very first blogs was entitled Knowing God.

I've been challenged lately to seek God with a whole new perspective on that concept.

We'll start by discussing my first attempt.
I took it the direction of knowing God through things.

"God can be seen, I see Him in you, I see Him in the trees, I see Him in the creation all around me. Yet, I’ve never seen His face. I can’t trace the contours of His face in my head, I can’t feel His rough and beaten, hole-filled hands, I can’t look in His untraceable eyes and see the yearning and aching for lost souls that Jesus feels. Then how, you say, can you know God?"

I left that question somewhat unanswered.  After a year and a half of trying my best to seek God, I've learned that my attempts don't get me very far.

Yes, I've learned so much.
Yes, I've increased my knowledge of the scriptures.

But did I really, truly, increase my knowledge, understanding, and insight about the God who wrote them?
What are those words there for but to push me towards that exuberant love for my Savior?

"The greatest knowledge we can have is knowing God

treasures us." -Francis Chan

I'm afraid after all my seeking, that truth hasn't been pounded into my head much at all.

So. Like a good man tells me often  . . . No dwelling in the past. Only progress. :)

I'm promising myself and my God, this very day. That I will from now on, seek to be attached to Jesus' hip, no only learning from Him, but always remembering that He treasures me above all of creation.  He knew me before I was created! He knows the depths of the deepest part of my being, even better than I do. When I pray, He already knows what's going to come out of my mouth. He designed the situation I am in for me especially. He is my lover, Father, and friend.  No one can take His place in my story because He's the very reason that I have one. He's bigger than I can ever imagine. That will not discourage me or frustrate me because I know that I will never reach the bottom of His magnificent love and devotion to a wretch like me.  I will not have to fear what is coming or what has been, because my Jesus is the alpha and the omega, the author and perfecter, the designer and the finisher.

When Jesus said He came to bring us life, and life to the fullest, He was serious. 

Dead on a cross serious.

"Isn't it great to worship a God we can't overexaggerate?" -Francis Chan

rich.

"A certain ruler asked Him, [Jesus] "Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
"Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: 'Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.'
"All these I have kept since I was a boy," he said. When Jesus heard this, he said to him,
"You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was a man of great wealth, Jesus looked at him and said, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!  Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
Those who heard this asked, "Who then can be saved?" Jesus replied,
"What is impossible with men is possible with God."
"We have left all we had to follow you!" 
"I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will not fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life." Luke 18:18-29

"Being rich is such a great disadvantage." Francis Chan said this in a recent sermon of his on this passage. (http://www.cornerstonesimi.com) What a bold statement to think about compared to what is pounded into our worldly hearts every second.  Get this, get that, buy this gadget, eat this food, enjoy yourself, relax, you deserve a vacation, indulge, accomplish nothing.  Do you feel that pressure?  That lie that if you don't get the next thing, if you don't have a certain amount of money, if you don't do this certain thing you will amount to nothing?  Be unsuccessful?  Fail?

Look at what Jesus is saying here!  It is HARD for a rich man to enter the Kingdom.  Why do you think that is? Why is it that the poverty stricken people in this world seem to understand the concept of God providing for us better than we do?

Do you realize that if you (or your parents) make over $47,500 dollars a year, you are in the top 1% of the richest people in the world?  Most people in the world live on less than $2 a day.  I think one of the devil's biggest tricks is making us believe that the more stuff we have the happier we will be.  The devil knows that if he keeps us from being focused on something, anything other than Jesus, he's won.  Besides, when we have everything we need, who needs to be saved?  Look at how all of the STUFF distracts us from what's really important.

To love God and love others.

When the devil gets to us and tells us that all we need is more money, more stuff, a promotion, a new car, nicer things, he's only doing what he can to get us distracted from our purpose.

Jesus may say it's hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom, but he wouldn't be God if they couldn't, "What is impossible for men is possible with God." How much more awesome is God to us when He does something impossible?  There's glory for Him in every circumstance.

Paul says in Philippians 4 that "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." He goes on to say that he "know[s] what it is to be in need, and . . . what it is to have plenty." He learned the secret of being content in every circumstance.  Are you ready to hear the big secret?  The one that the devil has been working day and night to keep away from you? Paul says, "I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength."  That's it.  Do you see how much easier it is to depend on Him for your earthly needs (someone who's in need of food, water, a home, etc) then for your spiritual, unseen needs (eternal life, santification.) "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18 That's why people who are homeless, daily relying on God for survival GET IT and we don't.

No, we may get it, but that's about where our faith stops. Our attitude is something like, "the concept is grasped, the execution is a little elusive." We get all fired up about God, but our passion stays in the chapel, the bible study house, or our bedrooms.  The zeal closes with the last page we read.

We're too covered in stuff to have that healthy and completely dependent relationship with God.
It's a constant battle for us not to be like the rich ruler who walked away sad because he wasn't willing to give up his stuff and follow Jesus.

We're promised rewards greater than we'll let go of and we "will not fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life."  Why can't we see that God wants to provide for us in this age and the age to come? Why can't we let go of our own security for His security? Why can't we love the people who need Jesus more than stuff? Why can't we leave our own comfort for freedom and LIFE in Jesus? Why don't we do something about what we only scrape the surface of in church? What don't we cultivate ourselves so that we're effective? It's time to share what God's given us with the other 99% of the world, if only to realize how much more we need Jesus.

puppy love.

Say you're looking for a dog.  You want a very, very specifically trained one that has certain traits and characteristics.  You might even have a list of all the things you're looking for.  But you don't want a puppy, because you don't have the time or energy to train it.  You search high and low for a match, but they all fall short.  You're at the pet store and you come across a puppy that you absolutely fall in love with. He's a bit crazy and unsure, but you can see he has potential.  Now you have a choice; go on with the search for the "perfect dog" or snatch up the love of your life, even if it means a little more attention, work, and time.  In a perfect world, both situations would work out great.  A full grown dog is tamer, more self-sufficient. A puppy is moldable and freer to explore the world around him.  But both have their downfalls as well.  An older dog is set in his ways (can't teach an old dog new tricks?) And a younger dog tends to be reckless and unruly.  Both take work and time, and both are usually worth it for the results you require.

Being the dog owner of a new puppy, you'll more than likely have a pretty clean slate to work with. Now, I'm most definitely not saying you're going to change the puppy's core and built-in characteristics, but you have the chance to influence and train him in some ways. And because you love him, you except those things you cannot change as apart of him and why you love him.  You get to grow together and experience life, good and bad.  But you also, if you think about it, learn a lot from that puppy.  In all reality, you become that puppy's puppy.  Come on, who really learns more when raising a pup?  The dog learns how to sit, stay, bark, etc. You learn discipline, commitment, and patience.  I have the same idea about relationships.  A man and a woman that are still young (and even most older, unselfish couples) have the unparalleled opportunity to sharpen one another.  Think about the history you get to share together if you get the chance to start out young.  My Love and I get to carry into adulthood experiences and challenges that many people don't get to experience until years later because they've spent their youth looking for the perfect dog.  I'm not saying that's a bad thing either, you definitely don't want to settle, but being too picky is a problem as well.  I simply consider myself blessed to have had such an early start with my best friend forever.

It takes commitment, just like any other relationship. I'd venture to say it's a little more to lose because you're giving away such an important time of your life to someone else.  Last time I looked, the Bible still said that to lose life is to gain it in Jesus' name.  Why do we hold on so tightly when the exact opposite action gives us precisely what we've been needing?

I can say with confidence that we will spend the rest of our lives together proving that God can work incredibly in the weak and the youth.

Please keep our relationship in your prayers.  God is going to do some amazing things with Zac at his new school and me at my old one. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us.

go.

Yeah, tried to sleep.  Too much to think about. What's the sales tax in Arizona anyways? (:

Sorry. Okay brain. Let's get untwisted.

You know what I find interesting?  The fact that a lot of the people in the bible died before the things promised to them from God were even fulfilled.  Not many of them were actually blessed with the opportunity to see the product of their perseverance first-hand.  No doubt they got to see it from the bleachers, but not from earth.

It's interesting that I cling at all to my dreams and desires here on earth when I most definitely will never come to a place where I actually feel fulfilled and sanctified.  No, no, that is what Jesus means when He says to build up treasures in Heaven and when Paul says to "fix your eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, for what is seen is temporary and what is unseen is eternal."

So if I'm not supposed to focus on achieving my goals on earth, what's left for me?
I think the point I'm trying to make is that Jesus wants us to GO regardless of what it's going to get us.  Don't go thinking it's where you'll settle and make life as good as you can.  Don't go thinking that your whole world will fall apart if you don't get to where you thought you might like to be.  And don't not go because something is making you fearful or doubtful.

I think sometimes God just wants us to move.  Pick a direction, if I hit a tree, I try another way.  All while having faith that He'll show me when the tree's coming so I don't hit it too hard.  That could leave a mark and an hardened heart.  Enjoying life with loved ones in the meantime.  By that people will see God's work in me, because I trust Him to lead me through the forest.  It's just a deep breath and baby steps. Goodnight.

linger.

In the midst of a hectic morning, God began wooing me.

I had to go outside to grab something out of the car and I was pleasantly surprised when I realized what a pretty morning it was.  I lingered in the back yard, surrounded by junk and trash and the place I live called the desert, but it was all so beautiful to me for some reason.  I was listening, as a lover does. And I heard Him.  I heard Him in the wind that blew and the scoot of an airplane across the cyan sky.  My attention went to a bird singing the prettiest song I've ever heard. Birds are special to me because they always remind me of the passage in Luke 12 about the sparrows.  Not one of them is forgotten or falls to the ground without the Lord knowing.  My Lord was reminding me, once again, that I'm taken care of and that "the hairs on my head are numbered" and He watches out for me.  In vain, I asked Him to show me one of the birds I was hearing. I was asking for proof of the truth He was already reminding me of.  I waited but nothing happened for a good five minutes.  I smiled at my inadequacy and foolishness.  I knew I needed to have faith and not test God.  But just as I stepped to the back porch, my eyes caught the sight.

Beautiful wings against a crisp morning sky.

What makes this story awesome, and I choose to keep it between my Savior and I, is what I had requested the night before.
Let me just say this, God answers prayers however He feels that they should be answered.

Sometimes it's not how you expect and sometimes it's speechlessly more.

lovers.

Oh my freckles, I'm not crazy!
I'm just in love! ...I knew it.
I found this while researching what the phrase "until is so desires" means in Song of Solomon and I found this article.

Here's an excerpt.

2:16-17 Now the Shulammite [Solomon's lover] speaks again: “My lover is mine and I am his”. Do you see the total acceptance? They’re still courting, they’re not married, but they belong to one another. Is that how you view your boyfriend or girlfriend – that you belong to him or her? “He browses among the lilies”, but look at the next verse, “Until the day breaks and the shadows flee. Turn, my lover, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills.” Do you see what she’s saying? Turn! Go back! He cannot be with her at the moment – he must be away, on the rugged hills until the day breaks. It’s got late. She’d long to be with him, but she can’t. Until the morning comes, he must be absent, back where he came from (2:8).

3:1-5: So, Solomon has gone away because it’s night, and they shouldn’t be together then. The woman is therefore left “All night long on my bed”, and on her bed “I looked for him but did not find him”. She’s longing for her man. He’s not in her bed, and she’s really missing him. All lovers who wait will find this. So what does this desire drive her to do? It doesn’t drive her to go and grab him and put him in her bed, does it? It doesn’t encourage her to go and get into his bed. It does encourage her to go and find him: “I will search for the one my heart loves”. Eventually, “I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go.” What does she do with him? She doesn’t take him to her bed, she doesn’t go to his bed, but she takes him to her mother. Why would you take your girl home to see her parents? Well, the very next verse is their wedding day – that’s why he’s taken her home, to ask for her hand in marriage! That’s what she wants! And why does she know she wants it? Because she’s been without him, because she’s missed him, because she’s waited and as she’s lying alone on her bed her heart cries out ‘I must have him’, but in doing so she reminds herself again, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” Wait for the wedding day!

Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God's will, then you will receive all that He has promised.
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
 He is good, all the time.


 That's all I have to say. (:

faith.

" . . .being sure of what [I] hope for and certain of what [I] do not see." (Hebrews 11:1) What ever happened to faith that was complete?  Hope that meant something? A while ago, Pastor Tom was talking about how the phrase "Not my will, but Yours be done" is used as a crutch nowadays.  I can't count how many times I've said it just because I wanted to 'let God know' that it was okay if I didn't get what I wanted.  

What I was really telling God was that I was scared and selfish about the outcome of my circumstances.  

I tried to shove my lack of faith out of His sight.

But God is all-knowing.

He's gentle about it; like a mother is with her newborn.

He treats me like porcelain in His fingertips.

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. . . Therefore . . . let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of God." Hebrews 11:6, 12:1,2

It amazes me how simple God's plan is, yet how many facets and perspectives are revealed through His word.

Whenever God gives me new insight into something I get excited, but all He's really ever doing is simply showing me

another way that He loves.

For the joy, He suffered.

     For me, He endured a cross.

He is the One who began this work in me and I have complete faith that He will finish it.  

I hope in seeing Him, because I know with all my heart that I will one day.

All I have to do is keep running.

good romance.

 

Look at every single story in the bible.  From Creation to Revelation, God's love and commitment to His people is woven through like thread in patchwork.

     He promised Abraham and his descendants a Savior and caused elderly Sarah to conceive an heir.
     He appointed David and Solomon, who were mighty warriors and beautiful lovers, kings over Israel, simply to honor His children's request for earthly authority.  And He spoke through these men to portray what a holy and hot romance looks like.
     He gave Ester the strength to stand up for His people all while she remained beautifully dignified.
     He prophesied through devote men the fate that would await them if they chose to fall out of relationship with Him.
     He was a hurt lover and remained silent for 400 years.
     He sent a part of Himself to an ugly and self-centered place simply to fill the gap that separated.

Do you know what it meant when Jesus came to earth and died?

Yes, He came to heal, He came to give sight to the blind, and He came to fed the hungry.  But if He healed our sickness, opened our eyes, and fed our stomachs, we would still have to spend eternity separated from Him.  I've heard people ask, "How could a loving God let all this bad stuff happen?"  Let me answer that question.  He didn't.  We made it happen when we let sin in our lives.  If he fed the hungry, they would still die.  If He healed the sick, they would still go to Hell.  If He gave us world peace, we'd still live eternity in complete chaos. He saw the entire puzzle and refused to see His people suffer eternally.  That's why the bible says that our eternal glory far outweighs our momentary troubles.  And to go even farther than giving us salvation forever, He sent His son to experience everything that we go through so that He could sympathized with our struggles right now.

"In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting for God, for whom through everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering.  Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family.  So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers. . . Since the children have flesh and blood, He too shared in their humanity so that by His death He might destroy him who holds the power of death--that is, the devil--and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.  For this reason, He had to be made like His brothers in every way, in order that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that He might make atonement for [or that He might turn aside God's wrath, taking away] the sins of the people.  Because He himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted." Hebrews 2:10,11,14-18

I love the fiery devotion in this passage!  He became like me, so that He could understand me.  He sacrificed everything that made Him God to become something that I could understand, love, and even hurt with.  Jesus disintegrated my worst fear.  Jesus came to scare the monsters away.  He took away everything that could possibly hold me back so I could focus on everything that moves me towards Him.  Jesus did that for me.


Now all He wants is to be in a loving and passionate relationship because of what He's sacrificed.  All He wants is all that I want.  The desires inside of me were put there for a reason. I live and long and breath in everything that Jesus puts inside of me.  I yearn for Him like a lover and He carries me like His beloved.  It's so beautiful in every way.  Like my Nana before me, I will live a life of beauty and romance with the lover of my soul and the love of my life. <3

I pray the same for all God's darlings.  All He wants is to romance you.  Isn't that what we've all been looking for?

remembered.

As I sit here in my pj's and striped knee socks, my mind wanders to the events of the day. . .
A lazy morning, running errands around town, hitting the gym only to be gawked at . . .again, a monstrous pile of junk mail, good music in the car on the way to school, Ms. Runee's life lessons from Lion King, waxing pits and brows, shocking an awesome friend by telling her I was only 17, hearing an hour long lecture about how scary State Board is, all the way down to a midnight casserole party for one and a warm mocha by the fire.  I wonder . . .

How many people did I effect today?

How many effected me?    

When I'm gone, will any of those passersby remember me?

What I did?    

Who I was?

Will the old man I said good morning to at the grocery tell anyone about me?

Will the lady I see every time I go to the gym acknowledge my presence next time?    

Better yet, will I remember any of them?  

I missed a chance today to be Jesus to someone today and I doubt I'll ever get the chance with that person again.
How will I be remembered when I'm off and on to my eternal life?
Will I have changed anyone for Jesus?

I watched a little boy ponder the decision to accept Christ this weekend.  He's going to influence his whole family.  Just a boy. 

Suddenly, 

                                                        he's so much more than just a boy.

There are three things I've discovered that I want to be remembered for:
My work, produced by faith.
     My labor, prompted by love.
           And my endurance, inspired by hope. 

I want to work, labor, and endure just so that someone might see that Jesus' faith, hope, and love lives inside of me.  Those all pair up so nicely and they all result in something holy.  Good old hard work.  It's great when Jesus' got your back and your burdens.  It enables me to live a fearless life of passionate love for the things and people that God's put in my life.

It enables me to worship in work,
                                   and thrive in trouble,
                                              and be free in the truth that is engraved on my heart.

It's            amazing.            And              it's             more              real              than             ever.

Remember THAT.

in.

So many times in the bible I come across the phrase "in Christ."
This is me pondering what exactly that means. . .

in Christ,
we have eternal life,
there is no condemnation,
nothing can get between us,
we can speak truth,
we form one body,
we glory in serving,
we are workers,
we are approved,
we are sanctified,
we are given grace,
we are God's sons and daughters,
we have hope,
we are made alive,
and we are saved.

Picture being in a box. In a house. In a room. You're completely surrounded by it on all six sides. If it's red, blue, or yellow, it reflects onto you. If it's lit up, so you are; if it's dark, you can't see. Being in something takes and replaces all of you with itself.  When you're in love, it's your status, it's how you define yourself.  When you say that you're in fear, you can't focus on anything else. When you're in pain, not much can distract you from the hurt. It's all or nothing when you say that you're in. "But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!" Revelation 3:16


God want us to be completely in on Him. And He wants us right beside Him fighting to stay there.  He knows we can't do it, so He sent Someone who could be our way in.  All we have to do is allow Him to enter.

drive.

Picture yourself driving through an unknown land in the dark. You've never been there or seen pictures of it or even heard of what it's like. The only clue you have of it's like is what your yellow headlights can see.  You see a bush here and there, or maybe even some creature scurrying across the road.  You pass a couple signs pointing you in the right direction, but you surely can't see your destination or any other glimpse of it's existence.  The area is vast, unknown, and it's length and depth are unreachable.  Your heart is on edge because you fear what may be around you.  You cast quick glances to each side; your eyes shifting from right to left.  You're making sure of your footing and placement. Making sure you're not being followed and making sure you're safe.  A fear begins to creep that can only be felt in solitude.  You cling tighter to the steering wheel, you're scared of where you've been, where you are, and where you're going. It's all your foot can do but to keep itself on the accelerator.  You're high above the marked speed, but your head doesn't care; your heart is too terrified.

This place is called darkness.

You keep driving; keep pushing that pedal.  Something changes in you and in the expanses around you.  Soft and cool colors begin to form shapes on the horizon.  A mist covers the ground ahead and a pink glow begins to peak over the mountains ahead.  Soon color unfolds itself in the warmest arrays, creating depth and length, perception and texture.  It's the color of dawn.  The spectrum fades into view as your own headlights become obsolete.  Greens, purples, reds.   You realize that you've been in a valley all this time.  A valley lush with the brightest green that your eyes can communicate to you.  A refreshing and comforting feeling overwhelms you as you gaze at the beauty of a Spring morning.  The beauty around you is surreal.  The brightness of the foliage is unfathomable.  Your destination is in full view and you feel safe.  The road in between doesn't phase you because the final goal is being reached.  When you look to your left you see a caravan; you were never really alone.  It was just too dark to see the ones around you.  When you look to your right you see a figure in the seat next to you.  Your eyes squint to see a familiar face.  The figure is asleep; waiting for the dawn as well.  Through the darkness His steadiness and assuredness was right beside you. That figure is Jesus and He is that close to you.  You are still in the valley, but no longer in darkness.  Nothing changed except your perception.  All along you had no reason to fear; no reason to doubt.  You smile as He awakes and rolls down the window.  You breath in the fresh morning breeze.  Then, you thank Him for the night with humble tears because it taught you to trust.

This place is where I am.
<3

"'You of little faith' [Jesus] said, 'why did you doubt?'"

Matthew 14:31

run.

I hate running. I was on a dance squad from elementary school on into Jr. High. I remember days that I would have just finished a measly run "around the church" followed by a six hour practice with hundreds of breaks and I'd plop myself in the car and tell myself that I'd never go back, but I did.  I hated it, yet now I miss it.  I ran full out today for 20 minutes straight, which is a big deal for me because I get short of breath really quickly and my chest gets super tight after just a few minutes.  I've never felt such a lust to keep going like a did today. It comes from within me now, it's a discipline and a battle that the Holy Spirit is helping me to overcome.  Not just with exercising, but with all aspects of my life. It's my turn and I've realized that I must push and push and push, even past where my heart starts aching just so I can reach my goal. "Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." I Corinthians 9:26&27

 I don't hate running so much anymore. I love having that control over my body. I love being able to push past the temptation to quit.  Thank you Jesus. {{<3}}

contented.

It's the middle of the night and there are too many things on my mind to sleep.

I asked God to make me sure-footed and sure-worded in all that I say and do. This is the acknowledgement and affirmation that my Father gave to me . . .  I feel like I've been shown some long lost treasure. Some gem, that even if I were smart or crafty or smooth enough to search it out on my own, I would never ever match up to it.  I feel as though I've been given access to a holy, holy room that only few are chosen for.  Jesus is real, Jesus' love is real, and the bible says that He loves me with a passion that I will never ever be able to measure.  I feel it from my family, I feel it from my friends, I feel it from my dearest, and I feel it in the crystal clear, starry sky tonight.

I didn't have any idea that a secular love song could so easily become worship and surrender.
I didn't have any idea that a quiet drive home in the stillness of my car could bring thankful tears so easily.
I didn't have any idea that the pain of a sister whom I just met could weigh so heavy on my heart.
I didn't have any idea that I could be so close to Jesus,
                    so close that I could feel a rush in my marrow,
                    so close that I could be stilled until I felt the pulsing of every vein,
                    so close that my heart pumped on praise alone for moments at a time,
                    so close that I forget who I was and saw only my Savior.
I had no idea that living in an atmosphere engulfed, entrenched, and enamored with everything that Jesus
                                                  isn't,
could make me love Him all the more for what He
                                                                                     is.


How did He know??
How did the Almighty know that I needed this from the beginning?
How come His glorious plan of redemption was created just so that I could encounter the God of the universe?
Do you see why I feel like He's shown me something sacred?

Everyday is a gift. I know you've heard it, but here it for real now.  This is it. Today is ALL we have.  It's all we have left to be Jesus to those that need Him, all we have left to tell them about the love affair that Jesus longs to be in with them.  It's all we've got.  If you were to die today, could you honestly tell Jesus that you spent every moment on Him, even to your last?

I would give this world up in a second just to be near Him. There's such freedom in being able to honestly say that.

I hope I'm making sense to someone.  I feel better now.  One last thing, I also don't have any idea about how good God actually is.  Isn't it great to worship a God you can never overestimate? Goodnight.

oikos.

Jesus loves me, I know where I'm going, school's good, my friendships are great, my relationships are healthy, God is teaching me patience and endurance, I have enough, my phone is charged, and my tank is full.

Things are good.

But what's the point of my life being "good" when all day long I'm surrounded by people that are clueless and don't even seem to care about the life after this?
People who couldn't care less about Jesus and His offer of life to the fullest.
Humans who are wholly focused and concerned with instant gratification and the fake fulfillment that follows.
Beautiful girls who give all that they possess to boys they don't even fully trust.

It makes me so sad and frustrated because to make them understand it would hurt them and break down all that they've built up for themselves. I know it's wrong, but that's how I feel.

I don't want to be ashamed.

I want to truly love them.

To do that God has to break them.

The cool car, the nice house, the school tuition, the boyfriends or girlfriends, the families, the opportunities, the parties, the "fun."  

How do you show Jesus to an unbeliever who has it made?

What do they even need Jesus for?

How do you convince them that they desperately do?

Especially when they think they can do it on their own?

Jesus says it's impossible for a rich man to enter the kingdom. I'm seeing that more and more everyday.  It's easy for someone who's suffering to accept Jesus, it's all they have to cling to, but rich men are fulfilled by the stuff they have. How do you prove to them that they're lacking?

Jesus says that anything is possible with God.

My fear of not getting through to people really boils down to a lack of faith in God. Which probably explains why, when Jesus told the disciples that they could pray for anything and it would happen, they responded by saying, "Increase our faith!" A mustard seed seems like a redwood right now.

A wise and loved sister once told me that I'd never be big enough or do anything stupid enough to mess up God's eternal plan. 

I should remember that more often.

people.

What would you say distracts you the most from God?

What is the core issue when it comes to forgetting your Savior?

People.

What about people?

your neighbor comes over too much

your husband keeps you on your toes

your sister doesn't give you privacy

your wife is naggy

your brother asks you to do too much

your mom doesn't understand

your friend always complains

your dad doesn't care?

I'm sure you have more issues than that small list.  I do.

I think we blame people for keeping us from our quiet times, bible studies, or worship services more than the stuff we have or the things we want.  Yes, those can be distracting, but people . . . oh man.  They're the worst.

Guess what!?

They're the reason we're here.  And they're the reason we have trouble completely focusing on God.

Why are they so distracting?

Is it because they're

annoying

                    needy

whiny

                                                they don't understand

they talk too much

                                              they ask for too much

they take too much

                                                they don't give anything

they aren't patient

                                                     they don't try hard enough

they don't do it my way

                                                                           they don't care about what I have to say

they aren't what I want?

I find myself asking questions like . . . 

God, why did you put me here with these people?

Why do I, who try SO MUCH HARDER than they do, have to put up with this?

Why can't they just get it like me?

Somebody call the whaaaaa-bulance.

Since when was everyone put on this earth for ME?

The reason our prayers become hindered is because we don't love them.

The reason we can't concentrate in church is because we aren't patient with them.

The reason we get so angry so fast because we forget all that God did for us.
 

God says that to be known as His children we must love like His son.

 Don't we want to be known as God's kids?

Don't we want everyone to see how far He's gone to bring us to redemption?

What we don't always understand is that by loving others, we're telling God how grateful we are. It's actually the best way to tell God that we're thankful for His gift.

He loved sinners. Just like you. Just like me. Just like that person that you have issues with.

How radical would is be to show love to someone who doesn't deserve it?

As radical as the cross.

Next time someone is forcing you to focus on them and not yourself, let them.
Next time you're annoyed or angry, remember that Jesus died for those sinful feelings too.
And love people in return.

After all, they are your biggest love note to God.

far.

Have you ever just felt far away?

Out of the grand scheme of things?

On the outskirts?

Maybe just left out?

Almost like you're missing something that everyone else seems to be getting?

Maybe you know what it is you're missing, yet you refuse or are simply too lazy to take the steps to experience it.  Maybe you've been apart of a purpose, but you gave up, bailed out, forgot.

I know I have.

I've given up on my Jesus as many times as He was scarred on the day His blood spilled for me.

I've forgotten what it felt like to be loved by a God who loves me more than the very depth of the universe.  I've left behind a Savior who left only a bloody tree behind as He took His throne in Heavenly robes.

I've sold out to the world.  I've run so far away from Him that there were times I doubted He would come for me.

But He did.

And He does.

And He always will.

Every time I run.  Every time I fear.  Every time I doubt.  He holds His hand out. He remembers.  He has courage.  He gives love, grace and mercy. He extends and offers something that surpasses all the things that we think separate us from Him.  He goes so far past them that they're soon forgotten all together.

His grace. His love. It all reaches past every one of

                                                                              Our fears.

                                     Our worries.

                                                                                                                        Our longings.

                                                                        Our doubts.

                                             Our selfishness.

                                                                                                                                 Our debt.

Our sin.

Period.

He offers all He has to give us the one thing we lack.
Life.

So then why do we run? Why do we fear? Why isn't time with Him the most important thing in our busy schedules?  Why are His words tossed around as "just a book?"  Why do we shout His name in church, yet shout at a brother in selfish rage?  Why do we forget?

Complacency.
We take Him for granted.  We do like our fathers and our mothers.

We feel entitled, deserving, prideful, holier than . . .  After all, we are better than so-and-so.  We don't do this and this. We go to church.  We pray occasionally.  We deserve a life that lasts forever.  We deserve it easy.  We deserve it fun.  And we deserve it now.

False.

We deserve death, no matter how we try and slice it.  A "little" sin leads to death. A "big" sin leads to death.
We lie.  Death.  We covet.  Death.
We lust.  Death.  We fear.  Death.
We worry.  Death.  We forget.  Death.
We deserve it and we bring it on ourselves every moment of everyday.


If Eve didn't eat it, one of us would have.

If we deserve Hell and we're offered a way out, why do we doddle on the fence of insecurity?  Even seasoned Christians can find themselves wandering.  What can we do to stop complacency and chase after a

   holy

fearless

     daring

righteous

      crazy

passionate

       pure

fiery
                 satisfying

                 joyful

wild

                    purposeful

adventurous

                  fulfilling

rock-a-rolling

   Jesus centered lust of a life?

Yes. It's hard.  Yes. It's difficult.  Yes. It will cost your life.  But what's mere life compared to a lifetime spent in love with the creator of that waterfall, these canyons, those skies, that man, and this girl?  Who would turn down an invitation from a perfect Lord?

Yet           don't         we          do          it             every         day?

I guess I'm just wondering why.

"Come near to God and he will come near to you" James ch. four v. eight.


"She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them." Hosea ch. two v. seven.


"Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"" Matthew ch. fourteen v. thirty one.